5 things that r TARTY

1. Mommie: we dont have the regualr mother & daughter relationship. she tries 2 b a good mother, and she is, but her ways 2 b there isnt a good 1. ive tried 2 contact her, talk 2 her on a personal level, tried 2 include her in my life, but it doesnt get me anywhere. she just feels like she knows everything in my life, and knws whats best 4 me when she doesnt even get what is going on. like 4 example, i suck in math & science. so when i told her that im doing good in my math class & that im worried bc im studying all the time & still cant get the material, the only thing she heard was that i wasnt doing good so she went off bout that & was saying that i better not b failing & how im never tryin my best & stuff (i eventually pulled my grade up but i struggled the whole time). now she included my friends in2 the mix, asking them 2 "help me get my priorities rite & make sure that im not messing up my life". even though my whole life rite now is wrk & skool. i seriously really dont do anything else. but she doesnt get that. soo im over it. & her.
2. <3: ive been single since september, and it was like the worst break up. not only did he cheat on me, but he did it in several cities w/ multiple girls & then blamed me 4 everything...we were dating 4 like a year. i broke up w/ him & he somehow kept bringing me back 2 him. saying that we were going wrk things out. we kept going on & off 4 the nxt 4 months, & just kept trying. but things were still horrible & only got worse. i became tht girl that i never wanted 2 b. i depended on him 4 like EVERYTHING & that was the worse part. i felt like he was the only 1 who really gave a damn about me. in his own way. but he brought me down 2 though. kept telling me tht a lot of things that happend 2 me was my fault, & i needed 2 grow up &...a lot of other things. thats when i cut him off. but tht was the hardest part. i felt like he was the only 1 for me. i lived in a sweet life..in my head. but in relaity, it sucked. so i was pretty much just being me & not worrying bout any1 else..till another guy came in2 my life. now hes been around 4 like 3 months now, & hes great! amazing even. but i keep a wall between us bc i dont wanna have that great <3 again & i get hurt again.
3. friends??: im not really gonna go in2 2 much in detail w/ this topic, but basically a lot of ppl who i trust have proven that i shouldnt depend on them. a lot of them r talking ish behind my back, saying smart lil remakrs bout me & 2 me, & r waaay 2 much in my business even though i dont include them in what is going on in my life. & the thing is i dont really hang out w/ my friends bc im concntrating on skool & wrk. so theres really not tht much else i do w/ any1. soo i pretty much keep 2 myself which sux bc rite bout now, i need a support system.
4. skool: im a semster ahead & i have 2 minors so its easy 2 say im kind of an overachiever. but it is sometimes 2 much 4 me. like i study, do my work, etc. but it doesnt seem enough. im doing ok, but i knw i can do better but idk what else 2 do! i study, work hard, & im still not getting the results that i think i should be getting.
5. boys...: they r everywhere! & i can say (w/o bragging) that there r a # of them who r interested in me. some of them had their chances but they messed it up somehow soo i kinda dont worry bout them. but they r everywhere! like they r a constant reminder that they r a distraction. yess it crosses my mind that i could just have a lil fun..but 4 what?? flirting will not get anywhere but a lotta emotions, feelings hurt, confusion, titles, etc. and im truely & honestly not ready 4 more drama in my life.

tarty life

im way 2 sensitive. i let things get the best of it. i dont trust a lot of ppl so i dont tell everyone my business & whats going on bc 2 b honest it is a lot & i dont just want anyone to be involved in what is going on. the thing about me is that i hold in a lot of my emotions. i let things just slip and not worry about it. hey, thats just me! its how i deal w/ life. but now, as of today, found out that i shouldnt even do that. the thing is, not everyone gets what you are saying. they dont FULLY see where u r coming from. they just give you the best advice they think will help u. even if it has nothing to do w/ what u r saying. then there r the ppl who just try & relate 2 ur problems. "o u know i went thru the same thing, so i totally get it..." i didnt ask u 4 that! i asked 4 advice, not relate ur bs w/ my bs! ya know? maybe i am just picky. maybe i am asking 4 too much. the thing is what im telling ppl isnt just one thing like "i made a D on my test" or even "my bf pissed me off again" its like multiple things that r really affecting my life. i use 2 keep everything 2 myself, & not rell any1 anything. but then 1 event happend whn i burst & shocked a lot of ppl, so i had no choice but 2 open up more. its hard 4 me bc i dont trust ppl. its a personal thing. i am a friendly person; im the kind of person who is cool w/ every1 & who knows every1 & just an all around person. but it doesnt mean that im going to include every1 in2 my life. thats just 2 much 4 me. im going thru a lot & i talked 2 some of my friends about it. the thing about me is that i kinda get overly emotional bout stuff. so whn im going off bout stuff my friends misunderstand me & think im going off on them. instead of listening 2 what im saying, they just pay attention 2 my tone & r automically pissed. like GEEZ LOUISE!!!
i feel like no one really listens 2 what im saying. they just pick up what they wanna hear and go off on that. & then get @ me when i say that that is not what im tryna say. sooo ive decided 2 just pretend that im ok. 2 pretend that everything is ok. decided 2 not worry about everything that is going on in my life. not call or talk 2 anyone bout anything. would rather cut that bs outta my life. writing about it is just a whole lotta better!! plus i can easily just get everything out there w/o hurting anyone's feelings. WHEW! i feel better already:)